How I Helped Parents End Bedtime Battles (And How You Can Too!)

If bedtime at your house feels like an all-out battle, you are in good company with so many other parents who say “My child fights sleep.”  I was there too!

I work with so many families who feel exhausted, frustrated, and—let’s be real—at their wits' end when it comes to getting their little ones to sleep.

But here’s the good news: bedtime doesn’t have to be this hard. I’ve helped countless toddler and preschool parents transform their nights, and today, I’m sharing exactly why your child might be fighting sleep—and what you can do to make bedtime smoother for everyone.

The 3 Biggest Reasons Kids Fight Bedtime (And What to Do When Your Child Fights Sleep)

1. You Might Be Disrupting the Sleep Process (Without Even Realizing It!)

I see this all the time—your child is actually trying to put themselves to sleep, but we, as parents, accidentally get in the way.

Maybe you pick them up the moment they stir. Maybe you rock them all the way to sleep every night. Either way, when we interrupt their natural process of falling asleep, we can unknowingly create a sleep struggle.

What to do instead: Watch your little one closely and give them the space to settle on their own. If they stir, take a pause before rushing in. Putting them down awake and aware.  Of course they are drowsy and have sleep pressure that will help them fall asleep, but allowing your child the opportunity to do the work of drifting off to sleep is a great way to help them learn to fall asleep independently.

2. Their Bedtime Might Be Too Late

Did you know an overtired child is actually harder to get to sleep? It sounds backward, but it’s true.

If your little one is suddenly bouncing off the walls right before bed, you might be dealing with a second wind—a surge of cortisol and adrenaline that makes it even harder for them to settle down.

 What to try:
✔️ Move bedtime earlier and see if they fall asleep faster.
✔️ Watch for early sleep cues like yawning, rubbing their eyes, or zoning out.
✔️ Keep bedtime consistent—even on weekends!

3. They Haven’t Had Enough Activity During the Day

If your child has a burst of energy at bedtime, it might mean they haven’t moved their body enough during the day.

I’ve worked with parents who are shocked when I suggest more outdoor play, floor time, and movement, but once they make the change, their little ones start falling asleep much faster.

How to help:

• Get outside for fresh air and sunshine
• Encourage active play (running, climbing, crawling)
• Utilize a YES Space to help your child gain all the benefits of play
• Limit screen time before bed—it can mess with their natural sleep cycle

So, How Do We Make Bedtime Smoother?

1. Build a Predictable Bedtime Routine

Toddlers and preschoolers love routines because they help them feel safe and secure.  And this is true for children of all ages, even when they are in school.  A great bedtime routine might include:
 

• A warm bath
•  A bedtime story
• Dimming the lights
• A goodnight hug or song

The key? 

Consistency. When your child knows what’s coming next, they’re more likely to settle down.  Create a visual bedtime checklist and establish sleep manners with your toddler or preschooler among some other sleep strategies to help make bedtime your favorite time of night again.  

Get your Toddler or Preschool Better Bedtime Tool Kit here. 

2. Put Your Child Down Awake (Trust Me, It Works!)

I know, I know—if you’ve heard the phrase drowsy but awake a million times, you might be rolling your eyes. But here’s the thing: when we put our kids down awake and aware, they learn to fall asleep without needing us to rock, feed, or hold them every single time. And that means fewer middle-of-the-night wake-ups for everyone!

3. Pay Attention to Sleep Cues—Even During Playtime

Did you know your child’s sleepiness actually starts showing up during playtime, in that play window? I help parents map out their child’s natural sleep windows so they can catch that perfect bedtime moment—before their little one gets overtired and wired.

Key Loving Lessons Learned in This Episode

🟣 Bedtime struggles often stem from misunderstandings, late bedtimes, or lack of daytime activity.

🟣 Children need a predictable bedtime routine to feel secure. 

🟣 Allowing kids to do more of the work in putting themselves to sleep leads to better rest.

🟣 Children need time to practice new sleep time routines and rhythms and you can be with them to help them. 

Resources Mentioned to Help You Keep Learning & Growing

⭐️ Healthy Sleep Foundations Course – Learn how to shape healthy sleep habits.

⭐️ Loving Lesson Sleep Solutions Facebook Group – Join for free sleep training tips and live Q&As.

Ready to help your baby, toddler, or preschool child to sleep without a power struggle at bedtime and settle into a nap schedule that works for you and your family? Contact Loving Lessons Sleep Solutions for your postpartum doula support/ baby & toddler sleep coaching needs.  Set up a time to connect here on my calendar.

Podcast Episode Transcript: 

Disclaimer: Transcripts were generated automatically and may contain inaccuracies and errors.

Irene Gouge: Hey there, I'm Irene Gouge, and I'm with Loving Lesson Sleep Solutions, where I am trained and certified as a postpartum doula, infant feeding specialist, and gentle sleep coach. And so one of the things that we're going to talk about today in this video is bedtime sleep battles.

So if your little one is fighting you for bedtime, I want to talk about why your little one might be fighting you at that bedtime and what you can do to make it a smoother process for everyone.

In our most sleep-deprived moments, our children will teach us exactly what we need in order to learn and grow into who we were created to be. These are the loving lessons we will learn, whether we were wanting to or not.

I'm Irene Gouge, your sleep coach, and I'm on a mission to educate parents on how to help their young children sleep.

Welcome to the journey.

So there are three common reasons. The number one thing that sometimes happens is that maybe there is a disruption in the child's sleep process. Sometimes this is a misunderstanding and miscommunication between the parent and child.

The second thing that often happens is sometimes too late of a bedtime.

And the third thing can be that maybe we didn't get that right activity.

So let's dive in and talk about these reasons.

First, I talked about disrupting the sleep process. One of the things that often happens, and this becomes a big misunderstanding and miscommunication between the parent and the child, whether you have a newborn, an infant, a toddler, or a preschooler, is that sometimes your little one actually could be trying to put themselves to sleep.

But we disrupt the process. And that can be super frustrating for both you and your child.

What ends up happening sometimes is we're engaging in a power struggle and making bedtime worse instead of better.

The second thing that can happen is sometimes we have too late of a bedtime, and this is actually where parents will end up fighting their child.

I actually want to share with you that you might be battling the hormones in your child's body. That's right—your child may be having a second wind. You might be dealing with a cortisol and adrenaline rush.

And so they could get a second wind, a third wind. And now your child is not tired—they're wired. And that makes going to sleep even more difficult.

Sometimes parents will tell me that they have been doing something for the last hour trying to get their child to sleep. And that's often a good indicator that maybe we missed that just-right sleep window to help your little one let go and get to sleep.

Another element of too late of a bedtime is that sometimes parents tell me they've rocked their child, fed their child, done something to help their child go to sleep, and now they put their child down on the bed, and all of a sudden, their child pops up.

That can have a lot to do with your child noticing their body. They might be very alert, very sensitive, very aware of their surroundings. They may even notice the temperature change where they've been snuggling up on you, and now they're in the crib.

That's the reason why sometimes making sure that our child is doing their own work can be helpful in the going-to-sleep process.

The third common reason parents say their child is fighting them for sleep is that sometimes they didn't get in the right activity level during the wakeful window.

Now, here's what I mean. Sometimes our little ones are not getting their floor time, getting outside fresh air and sunshine, or moving their bodies in a way that's actually going to help them use that energy they have so that when it comes to sleep time, they've moved their bodies.

They've been fed. They're ready to go to sleep.

Sometimes, I see little ones having this burst of energy, like, "Oh my gosh, I get to practice all the new milestones I'm working on right now!"

Because sometimes that will happen if our little ones didn't move their bodies enough or in the way they needed to.

So when I'm working with families, whether it's in the postpartum doula world or gentle sleep coaching, if we notice that bedtime is a struggle, I sometimes think that this is a really great indicator that your little one is saying, "I'm ready to learn to go to sleep, but I don't know how."

And so this doesn't mean we just need to leave them to cry it out.

We can actually come alongside and help them learn how to put themselves to sleep—even starting in the newborn season, all the way through the preschool years.

It's never too late to help teach your little one that going-to-sleep process.

So you might be wondering, what can I do to make bedtime smoother?

One of the key things for families is that bedtime routine.

When our children know the predictable steps of what's taking place, it actually helps them feel safe and secure.

They also need to make sure that they are satiated. Did they eat during that wakeful window? If so, then they'll be able to settle, especially if they had sufficient sleep pressure.

When our children have those elements with the bedtime routine, they can drift off to sleep.

The second part that's really important to make bedtime smoother is really allowing your child to do the work of putting themselves to sleep.

I talk a lot with families about this drowsy-but-awake state.

You may have heard that and may be annoyed with that concept, but I actually tell parents that we want to make sure we're putting our little one down awake and aware.

They need to know they're going to sleep and that we're not tricking them.

The key is that when we create routines and rhythms, and our child knows what's coming next in this predictable pattern, they can let go and go to sleep.

What sometimes parents don't realize is that sleep actually starts happening in the play window.

In my Healthy Sleep Foundations course and coaching program, where we work toward sleep-shaping success or sleep-coaching success, I actually map out the sleep window and help parents really tune in and observe what their child is communicating.

Because when we're communicating more effectively—when we're noticing what our child's body is really telling us—then our child can truly let go and go to sleep.

This helps us not disrupt the child's going-to-sleep process.

It also encourages us not to have too late of a bedtime and work with the child's body to minimize tears and frustration.

When we look at the whole picture—because sometimes we look at sleep very independently, but it's actually very holistic—we want to look at how we are eating, how we are playing, and how those routines lead up to bedtime.

That can prepare us for a better night of sleep.

When parents actually start to learn and understand their child's active sleep window—and realize their child is not trying to be difficult but is actually trying to go to sleep—parents are often relieved and really excited to see the sleep transformation happen in their home.

And if you have sleep questions, let's hop on a call.

You'll see a link with some of the free resources I share for parents.

I'd love for you to join the Loving Lesson Sleep Solutions community—a free Facebook group where we talk about sleep.

I do mini-trainings in there, and you can grab some of my free resources to help you along your sleep journey.

And again, if you have sleep questions, let's hop on a call. Let's not be frustrated, and let's eliminate those bedtime battles so that you can have a better bedtime in your home.

Thanks for tuning in to today's show. You can see all of the details and show notes below.

And as you go out into your day, I hope that you'll make it your mission to be calm, confident, and rested as you lead today.